This is blog post numero uno. Don’t know if I’ll even post this for real, yet. I am scared to tell you the truth. It’s more than a little uncomfortable for me, a hardcore introvert, to put my thoughts and opinions out there for the world to see. But, I feel I’m being called by God to do this. It’s just keeps coming back. Like that itch in the middle of your back that no matter what, you can’t scratch it. I do have to say that the thoughts and ideas expressed on this page are entirely my own and the Catholic Church does not own any of it, nor endorse any of my personal thoughts and opinions. With that said, let’s do this.
I have been a mostly happily married Catholic for coming up on seven years now. It’s kinda ironic that I came into the Church during Easter of 2017, and I finally am getting around to doing this blog. I have struggled to find my place in the Church, as I am not a mother, and most definitely not a nun, either. I will never have children, a topic I have had to confess, even though it turned out that the hysterectomy I chose saved me from a very aggressive cancer that was in very early stages. I also am what my generation refers to as a tomboy. I am, in no way, shape, or form, a girlie girl. But I am a woman and pretty darn proud of it, I may say. But this makes my place in the Catholic faith a little bit of a conundrum.
I prefer to work on cars instead of paint my nails, my makeup comes out of its box maybe twice a year, and you’re more likely to find me cooking, cleaning, or fixing something rather than curling my hair. I don’t like or want to depend on anyone, even my husband, for fear of being a burden. I absolutely despise thinking I could be in someone’s way and one of my biggest fears is taking up too much space or taking up someone’s time. And for all the people I meet and talk to in the course of my job, which I have no problems doing on the clock, please don’t ever ask me to talk to a crowd of people or even be in the crowd of people. Panic attack city! You will find me in the back of the room, back against a wall, and taking up as little space as my 6-foot frame will let me take up. If you didn’t know I was there, then I was successful.
What does this have to do with the Catholic Church and being a Catholic wife? We are called by God and Jesus specifically, to go forth making disciples. Kinda hard to do when you do everything in your power to be invisible. I also struggle with the notion that all I will ever be is a wife. The Church venerates Mary, the mother of God, and women that choose the religious life are considered the purest form of woman there is. And I am neither of those. Every couple going through marriage preparation, goes through the openness to new life. I had to very gently tell Father Jeff that that was not a possibility for me. And it wasn’t cause I didn’t want children. It’s just not in the cards. Well, what about adoption? We tried that and the state we live in, makes that extremely difficult and expensive to do.
But I am discovering that there is a place for me in the Catholic Church. There is something I can do to make a difference. God didn’t make me to fit into one of two roles no more than he made any woman to fit into a box. He made us in His Image and as unique and as special as he made Mary or Joseph. Where do I find a purpose in everyday life as a real life Catholic wife? Well, hang in there with me and we will find out together.
God bless.